I lit my candle in the dark room and perched on the Zafu cushion sitting between my feet. My hands unconsciously came together in a prayer position as I sat down to meditate. I could feel my body relax and uncoil the tension I’ve been carrying around inside me all morning. I slowed my breath and my thoughts began to slow as well.
I needed to feel some peace after stirring inside all night about the condition of our country, our politics and all the fear, hatred and division going on around me.
Fear seemed to have gotten the best of me lately because I have resorted to yelling and arguing with people I consider close friends, defending what I believe to be right, just and fair for our country.
I feel confused how so many people in this country see bullying, disrespect, and lies as character flaws that aren't that big of a deal.
I feel my fear of living in a world where our basic needs are not met, where our life becomes all about survival instead of joyful living.
I fear living in a world where a self serving dictator gets to decide more about my life than I do.
One fear after another popped into my head as I sat on my cushion trying to relax. Then I clearly heard a voice say, “This is all a big movie.” I paused my thoughts a moment to listen to the sound of those words again. “This is all a movie and you're all acting out this drama to clarify your values.”
I had no sooner heard this voice than there was a floating sensation in my body. It felt like I was drifting away from earth, moving towards outer space so I could have some perspective.
Everything on earth became smaller, doll-like. I could see the “movie” we were acting in and all the characters playing their part. I saw it as a spiritual game and understood from that perspective, it was all part of our evolution in service of a much larger purpose.
I understood we are all reflections of one another. The things we “hate” in others are the same things we have and probably hate in ourselves.
When my self righteous, judgemental side comes bursting out, “fighting” for what I want, I need to remember that.
When I’m in the midst of judging and criticizing someone else, I think it’s key I see this in myself if I am ever to grow from this challenging time.
The lyrics for Peace on Earth by U2 came to my mind.
“They say that what you mock Will surely overtake you And you become a monster So the monster will not break you.” - U2
Like a spiritual messenger, I could see the truth in the message.
Instead of staying focused on my fears, I shifted my focus to gratitude.
I started thinking about my partner, my dog, my friends, my home, my business, my health, my surroundings, the clean air, the mountains, the water, the trees and on and on. I let my mind flow over the “reality” of my life and the hundreds of blessings I have.
All of a sudden I could feel the heavy energy and fear lift. I could feel my vibration rise and a sense of peace flow over me. The contrast was palpable.
In that moment, I saw I could “play the character” in the movie of my life, knowing it was an opportunity to clarify my values without taking it all so personally.
Perhaps, anger and hatred is presented in our lives so we can decide what we stand for and how we will respond when we are faced with it.
Maybe we need division to feel a sense of urgency to create community and unity.
Maybe we need a revolution to know we want peace.
Maybe we need to experience the darkness in order to find the light.